chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
3pm strippers are depressing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
