Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
