You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
