i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
