we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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