It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
