Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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