Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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