dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
