just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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