Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
