I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
