did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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