Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize