Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
