Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
