Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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