Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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