You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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