I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How naked do you want me to be?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
