How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
