Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize