I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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