i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
