I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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