so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
