There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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