Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Farmville is her only friend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
