why didn't you poke me back
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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