I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
