well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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