You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize