I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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