I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
