I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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