I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
