I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
