I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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