I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
