we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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