You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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