Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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