Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
