I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
