We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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