I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize