I'm gonna have a badass scar
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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