Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
