Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
