Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
