sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
