Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
