I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
