I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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