omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
