I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
