i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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