Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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