Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
