careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
