I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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