My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
