She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
