"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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