the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
