If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
